50% of my jokes are self deprecating and 50% are self congratulatory like i’ll say “wow its hot in here…. just like me” and 5 seconds later point at a trash can and say “me”



Will I be something?
Am I something?

And the answer comes:
You already are.
You always were.
And you still have time to be.

” — Anis Mojgani (via happypeopledodrugs)


When i was little i never thought that eyebrows would ever be this important to me.


saying feminism is unnecessary because you don’t feel oppressed is like saying fire extinguishers are unnecessary because your house isn’t on fire

“I want a tattoo of the first morning we woke up together. I want the memory to hurt.” — Clementine von Radics


question: what makes you qualified for this job?

me: my love of money


come lay down next to me and i’ll tell you about all the dogs i saw today 

“And a mistake repeated more than once is a decision.” — Paulo Coelho (via blu3rthanvelvet)


why do old people drive slow they barely have any time left like GOOOOO ur dying