50% of my jokes are self deprecating and 50% are self congratulatory like i’ll say “wow its hot in here…. just like me” and 5 seconds later point at a trash can and say “me”
Will I be something?
Am I something?
And the answer comes:
You already are.
You always were.
And you still have time to be.
When i was little i never thought that eyebrows would ever be this important to me.
saying feminism is unnecessary because you don’t feel oppressed is like saying fire extinguishers are unnecessary because your house isn’t on fire
question: what makes you qualified for this job?
me: my love of money
come lay down next to me and i’ll tell you about all the dogs i saw today
why do old people drive slow they barely have any time left like GOOOOO ur dying